A couple of years ago, I had a blog about infertility. Because it is an issue in my life that I have come face to face with. I was part of an online community of other people who had experienced, or were experiencing various infertility issues. It was a life changing experience for me. I learned that I loved to blog. I also loved being part of a tight knit community of online bloggers that had a passion for what they wrote about and cared about eachother. This is one of the big reasons that I returned to blogging. Because I had such a positive experience with it.
I want to share my experience about my infertility here with you as well. It is simple, yet so complex. The emotions and experiences that go along with the inability to conceive are vast, deep and more often than not, painful.
My husband and I were married in July 2004. We weren’t in a rush to have kids but after a couple of years we started to wonder what was going on….I always suspected that something wasn’t right inside of me because at a young age my cycle became more and more irregular. We eventually went to an infertility doctor and I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. We tried a cycle of clomid and it didn’t work. At that point, we didn’t have insurance and going to an infertility doctor on a regular basis was not really an option. I did participate in a study that gave me a small chance of conceiving as well. However it was to no avail.
I began to let go. I tried to be at peace with whatever God held for me, children or no children. I started to blog as a way to let out feelings of frustration and sadness among other emotions. I met others who had worse conditions than mine, or who had horrific stories of losing baby after baby, or multiple babies. I learned so much from the people I met. It was so therapeutic for me to have this community. I began to pray in earnest for God to give me a child. I prayed for a long time…..and nothing. In July 2010, my oldest sister wanted to pray for me. She and her husband pray for healing in a lot of situations. She sat on my front porch step with me and held her hand on my belly and prayed to God for healing in this situation. At the time, I was of the attitude ” Yeah, that’s nice and all, but I’ve already BEEN praying. It’s probably not going to make a difference”. So, I went about my business and kindof brushed the whole incident aside.
However, late August 2010, I began to have some odd symptoms. It all started with a severe headache one night at school. I didn’t really think much about it though. Then my ovaries began to ache. This I also disregarded because I thought it was just my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome acting up into overdrive or something. Then I got really sore boobs and I got worried about breast cancer because my husbands aunt had just been diagnosed. I was going to take an herb to try to help all of these symptoms and I thought “I better just take a pregnancy test…just in case…” This still wasn’t out of the norm for me though(because if you know many “infertiles” you know that sometimes we can be a little compulsive about taking pregnancy tests). I took it…It was POSITIVE!!!! I couldn’t believe it. I still didn’t believe it until I went in and they ran bloodwork on me and my test came undeniably positive! Now, almost two years later I have a beautiful baby boy who is 14 months old. I love him with all my heart. I know without a doubt that God gave me a miracle baby. The chances of ME conceiving are SOO very small that this gift was straight from above. I mean it, I have maybe 2 periods a year. That’s it.
I know this is not the same answer for everyone who has infertility. I know I don’t have all the answers. I don’t know why God says yes sometimes and no other times. I DO know that because of this experience, God has opened my eyes. I am no longer the same person I was before. I have a heart for those who struggle with infertility because I have been there and am in a way, still there. I have been blessed with a child but my PCOS is still here. I am still irregular and I don’t know if I will have any more children. That makes me sad, but at the same time I am so grateful that I have what I have! But, I can relate. I still know people who have infertility struggles and it is heart wrenching. I can just tear up talking about infertility in conversation with someone. But, I want to be there for other people who are hurting and need support. I want to encourage them in any way I can.
So, thats my story. I wanted to write it out, in case I ever refer to it again on here you will know what I’m talking about. Thanks for your time.